Hotdog On Market

My friends mean everything to me. People are often confused by my frequent mentality that friends are a more important presence than family. Why should I have to love my family? Because they are my family? Just because? True, at least in my case, my family has done so much for me. They have raised me and in many ways brought me up into the person that I am, but most people seem to consider one’s relationship with his/her family as a matter of, for lack of a better phrase, blind faith. My friends are not my family. My friends do not have to be my friends. My friends chose me. They chose to spend their time with me, share laughter and tears, and they chose to allow themselves to be there for me. Our relationship is based upon attraction. We must like and even love the other because otherwise why should we have any sort of relationship? I have no connections to you, I am not obligated to do anything. And on top of that, if you can find a best friend, a friend that can even act as family, a friend that can match that of your relationship with a family member, how can that not be more special and more deep than a blood related tie?

But anyway, I would just like to express how fucking important my friends are to me. I don’t know what I would do without them.

10th May 2012 | 3 notes

kris-castro:

I just want to go to bed and wake up at the end of August. Summer without my friends from school is going to be awful.

8th May 2012

Just to add to my irregularities…

I just realized that I do this weird thing where I think about characteristics of myself, recall certain people I know who embody these characteristics, and assign these people to my persona and believe that the rest of the world perceives me as such, whenever said behavior is exhibited by me. These people can be people I hardly know or those to whom I am closest. This can be a good thing if I respect this person or I respect the specific manner in which the person acts but it can also be very bad and very demoralizing. Often I associate myself with people whose personalities I hate and strive to counteract, and I just hope that everybody else doesn’t think of me in that way. Initially in my head I’ll view something about myself from a more objective viewpoint, then rationalize said characteristic in a way in which I perceive it as “ok”. But often i will warp (or maybe not…) the behavior/attribute into something that is negative, based on association with another person. I’ll know that I do not like something about a person and if it is at least similar to that which I embody then I believe that we share the same characteristic and others view this characteristic of me in the same regards as I view this characteristic of the other. I dissolve the boundaries of context between myself and the other and confuse myself (hopefully). I have a difficult time seeing me for myself and understanding how other people view me so I subconsciously try to define myself as a compilation of others-unfortunately the good and the bad.

30th Apr 2012 | 1 note

Adam

I don’t think I’ve really realized this until recently but I’m really glad to have Adam in my life. Granted I don’t really do that much with him, but I do live with him and I will next year as well. We are very different in many ways and I certainly would not consider him to be an ideal good friend or best friend for me but I’m really glad he’s here. He is not an exciting person and if I am being honest he’s not really that interesting either but there are certain qualities about him that make him a good person for me to be around. He has this sort of calmness about him that I’ve realized can be very comforting for me. I am always stressing and worrying and thinking ahead about things but no matter what he remains very stable, even when faced with exceedingly aggravating and frustrating situations where I even feel as though he should freak out or should get angry. He doesn’t though. Adam doesn’t know what he really wants out of life - he still hasn’t even picked his major - and he is a very simple person who does not have very complex thoughts or even thinks about many things on a deeper level but I’ve realized that I really like that about him. He is somebody who I can go to when I want to be superficial and I want to talk about stupid shit that doesn’t matter, and on top of that he is not going to judge me for it. Adam does not dislike many people. He takes them for who they are and what they say and as long as it doesn’t affect him negatively he doesn’t care. He actually has a very strong self esteem and I don’t think I have ever seen him actually get upset or personally affected by anyone in situations where most people would be offended or take things personally. He does his own thing, he stays strong within himself, and he’s happy. That’s something that I really admire about him. He is very independent and does not need validation from others in order to be happy. As much as I am my own unique person and do my own weird, crazy thing I still depend so much on people to maintain acceptance and solitude. Its a nice change from Antonio who is much more like me and while I probably relate to him more than anybody else I have ever known there are times when I seek a comfort that is more simple, and at the risk of saying the exact same thing, less complex. It is good for me to be around somebody so stable and somebody with whom I can talk about unimportant stuff. It is crucial to talk and to be able to talk about deeper and important stuff too, but I’m glad that I also get to have my mind somewhere where life is not a race.